Drinking Buddies
by Skateaway
Summary: River's birthday party gets cancelled after a troublesome job. Good thing Jayne is willing to step in as a drinking buddy!
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Just something I quickly worked up as a break from my other story, all mistakes are my own. Set about 2 years after the BDM. Hope ya'll enjoy!

* * *

River glared down moodily into her tea as she sat at the galley table. She felt a little guilty about acting so petulant, but it was her birthday and she could pout if she wanted to.

It had been going to be a great birthday, too. Simon had promised cake and presents, Inara had promised to take her shopping, and Mal had promised to buy her first real drink at her birthday dinner now that she'd turned twenty. Of course, all of this had been incumbent upon completion of their job on Persephone during the course of which Mal had managed to get himself shot despite her and Jayne's best efforts.

So instead of celebrating they had all been forced to go their separate ways. Zoe had been needed to carry the payload back to the ship since Jayne was carrying Mal, and even though she'd never admit it the exertion had driven her to retire early. Simon had gone to bed soon after assuring everyone that Mal would be fine in a couple of days, exhausted after the operation. Kaylee had gone with him, giving River a pat on the shoulder and promising they would celebrate later. And Mal, that egregious traitor, was snoring away in the infirmary. It simply wasn't fair, she moped into her tea.

She was so absorbed in her self-pity she barely noticed Jayne saunter into the galley until he spoke. "Who spit in your protein?"

She looked up at him, confused. "What?"

"I mean that face. You look like something crawled up your _pigu_ and died." He strolled over to the cupboards rummaging for something. "Ain't you heard Mal was gonna be okay?"

Rolling her eyes she muttered, "Life would be much less problematic if he didn't always insist on getting himself shot."

"Ain't that the truth!" He barked out a laugh. "Could cover that man in full body armor and he'd still manage to get himself some bullet holes." He pulled a bag of protein snaps down along with a bottle of whiskey he'd been saving. "You should be used to that by now."

She shook her head. "It's not that. It's just…" She trailed off, knowing that she sounding childish and almost not caring. "Today was my birthday."

"Oh, yeah." He opened up the bag of snaps, leaning against the counter to munch on them. "Uh, happy birthday I guess. Didn't y'all have some big shindig planned?"

"Yes, but it did not come to fruition. Festivities have been delayed."

"Shit, you don't need festivities to have a party. That stuff's for kids anyway."

An intriguing notion. She had never considered the fact that celebratory activities evolved with age. "I am an adult now. What do adults do?" She looked up at him, curious.

"Dunno what other adults do, but this is what I do." He walked over to the table and slammed his bottle of whiskey down. Conveniently he left out the other very important part of special days that involved an enthusiastic woman and as many hours of tusslin' as he could get.

Mal _had_ been going to buy her a drink. Simon had never left her drink before, but now that she was of legal age he had finally run out of excuses. "So drinking is a rite of passage?"

"Sure is," he grinned. "Shit, I was thirteen first time I got good and drunk, you're well overdue." He looked down at the bottle still in hand as a thought occurred to him. "You want some?"

She was startled, just for a second. He was being friendly, even trying to make her feel better. But she shouldn't have been surprised; things had changed since Miranda. She and Jayne were partners now, like Mal and Zoe were partners. This was a natural progression of their relationship. "Yes, please."

He chuckled a little at her eagerness and went to grab two shot glasses. He poured them both a shot and settled down in the seat next to hers.

"_Ganbei_," he said, downing his shot in one gulp.

River was more hesitant. She reached for the glass and brought it to her lips before taking a tentative sip. Immediately her face puckered up and she tried not to spit it out. "This is terrible! People really drink this?"

"Well, not like that they don't," he explained, rolling his eyes. "You ain't supposed to taste it, unless it's the good stuff. Like this." He poured himself another shot and took it quickly, throwing his head back to show her.

She looked dubiously at the drink in front of her. Just one small sip had made her want to gag, how could she possibly drink the entire shot? Still… "To adulthood!" Throwing her head back like she had seen Jayne do she tried her best not to taste it this time, feeling the alcohol burn a trail down the back of her throat. She started coughing once it had gone down and he slapped her on the back a couple of times hard enough to shake her entire frame.

"You okay?" He was laughing, but it wasn't meant badly. "It'll do that to you until you get used to it."

She nodded wordlessly, trying to compose herself. Clearing her throat a couple of times she asked, "So am I an adult now?"

"Sure you are, kid." Jayne poured them both another shot, and she could tell he hadn't taken her question seriously. She filed the conversation away; maybe there were other requirements for adulthood that she had yet to discover.

The second shot went down smoother than the first. It still burned, but she was pleased to realize that she didn't cough quite so much afterwards.

"See, you're getting the hang of it."

River reached for the bottle this time, getting them both another and taking hers a beat later. There was no coughing at all this time, just a warm, pleasant sensation in the pit of her stomach that was starting to spread.

"Take it easy, champ. This stuff'll catch up to you." There would be hell to pay if he got the little pilot wasted and he cautiously moved the whiskey closer to his side of the table.

"You've had more than I have!"

"Yeah, I'm also about a hundred pounds heavier, _dong ma_?"

Her brain seemed a little cloudy and she shook her head trying to clear it. "Of course, metabolism of alcohol varies by sex and weight. I forgot." She never forgot anything, the ethanol must be affecting her higher level brain functions already.

Damn girl was giggling. This was not a good sign. "Maybe you should slow down."

"No! Must accelerate through arrested development." Her reflexes were obviously still good, since she managed to evade his hands and pour herself another. Before he could stop her she took the shot, this time it finally went down smoothly. The warm feeling was spreading from her stomach to her extremities, down through her fingertips and she could feel her face flushing.

"Whoa there, girlie." He ignored her pout and moved to place the bottle back in the cupboard. "You even eat anything today?"

Shaking her head, she laughed again. "Was saving appetite for birthday dinner. Do I look like a grownup now?"

He sighed. "You look like a drunk is what you look like. Your brother is gonna gorram kill me."

She smiled at him, albeit a slightly loopy smile. "Don't worry, I will defend your honor."

"You do that. In the meantime, here, drink this." He got her a glass of water, then another when she was done with the first.

River crossed her arms on the tabletop and rested her head on top of them.

"Oh no, you don't. Eat this too." He shoved a protein bar at her, glaring until she ate all of it.

After she had swallowed the last bite she turned to him. "Simon has no grounds to be angry. He was drinking sake as soon as he left for the Medicaid!"

"Hate to break it to you, but that brother of yours is always gonna treat you like you're fourteen. Even when you're both old and droolin' into a cup."

She nodded morosely. "Hypocritical. Doesn't want me to interact with boys when he consummated the relationship with his first girlfriend when they were both sixteen."

He shook his head violently. "Whoa, there. Too much information, don't ever wanna think on that. Bad enough him and Kaylee go 'round like a couple of dogs in heat."

"What am I supposed to do? You're an adult, how does an adult handle this?" She looked up at him questioningly.

Was the girl seriously asking him for relationship advice? Must've been drunker than he thought. "Adults handle this _gose _on their own, alright? I ain't got nothing to tell you. Look, you're gonna have to sleep this off. And not a word to Simon or Mal, ya hear?"

"Fine, fine." She got to her feet somewhat unsteadily and had to lean on the table for balance. The effects of the alcohol seemed to be compounded as she stood up. Curious.

"C'mon, wino." He put his arm around her shoulders to stabilize her then started to walk her towards her bunk. Opening her bunk up he looked dubiously at her ladder.

"Think ya can make it okay?"

She lifted her head regally and stared down the challenge the ladder presented. "Of course, I'm fine." She swayed a little and did her best to ignore the obvious tell.

Before taking all of those tricky rungs she turned to him and impulsively gave him a pat on the cheek. "Thanks for the birthday party, Jayne."

Watching her descend the ladder to make sure she wasn't about to crack her head open, all he could do was shake his head. "Gorram brother's gonna _kill _me.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Thank you for all of your lovely reviews! Hope you enjoy part two! No beta so all mistakes are my own.

* * *

River woozily sat up in her bed, placing both feet firmly on the cool metal floor. Her head was pounding and she clutched it with both hands, groaning. Her throat was parched and dry and her stomach was making its displeasure known at being a whiskey receptacle last night.

She wanted nothing more than to wallow in her discomfort, but she knew Simon would be suspicious. Swaying slightly she got to her feet, bracing herself against the bulkhead when her sense of equilibrium momentarily failed her. She hauled herself up the ladder, pausing for a few seconds on each rung to collect herself.

She stumbled into the galley and immediately began downing water as quickly as she could. After a couple of glasses she switched to tea, settling down at the table and sipping it as it cooled.

"Good morning, _meimei_," Simon said as he entered the room, giving her head an affectionate pat as he passed her. "How did you sleep?"

"Fine," she grumbled. Was he always so loud? His words reverberated through her skull like a rogue bullet.

The heavy stamp of footsteps joined Simon's words in a punishing chorus within her brain. Jayne walked in, wearing his old, ratty sleep clothes and his work boots. Rubbing his eyes blearily he headed straight for the coffeemaker, busying himself with making a fresh pot.

"I'm sorry that your party didn't turn out," Simon continued. "I promise that we'll make it up to you. Who knows, maybe I'll even buy you your first cup of sake." He smiled at her indulgently.

She groaned into her tea, pushing it aside to rest her forehead flat on the tabletop. "No alcohol, please." Jayne snickered as he filled the pot with water.

"But you were so excited yesterday. Are you feeling well?" Immediately his doctorial instincts kicked in and Simon looked over to her, concerned.

"Never better," she muttered, her voice muffled against the wood. She could hear Jayne snicker again.

"Are you sure?" Simon turned to stove, filling a pot with water and adding protein. "I'm making protein mash, would you like some?"

The smells of cooking protein filled the room and River's stomach rolled. "Blergh…"

"What was that, River?"

"I mean, no thank you, Simon." She forced her head up and braced her elbows on the table, resting her head in her hands.

"It will help settle your stomach if you're coming down with something. Just try a little." He placed a bowl in front of her.

The white, quivering, congealed mass of synthesized protein was too much to take. Covering her mouth with her hand she fled the galley, sprinting to her bunk as Jayne's laughter followed her.

"Really, Jayne," Simon reproved, "it's not nice to laugh at her if she has the flu."

"Seems pretty hilarious to me," Jayne grinned into his mug of coffee.

* * *

River huddled in her bed, the blankets tangled around her. Her head was still pounding and she was thirsty again, but she didn't want to venture outside of her bunk. Simon had already stopped by twice asking if he could examine her and she had told him that she was fine. She would just have to weather the storm.

The hatch kicked open again and she covered her face with her pillow, groaning out, "I'm _fine_, Simon. Please leave me alone."

"Really? From what I'm hearing you got the gorram flu."

She lifted the pillow away to look up into Jayne's smirking face. Moaning she rolled onto her side to face the wall. "Come to mock me? I'm obviously not an adult if I can't handle one night of indulgence."

"Aww, don't be so hard on yourself." He patted her gingerly on the back. "Happens to the best of us. Shit, this is part of the whole drinking package, especially as you get older."

"It is?" She turned to face him, feeling a bit better despite her raging headache.

"Sure it is. You're taking it like a champ, just tell your brother you got a twenty four hour flu or something," he grinned at her.

"Will this go away in twenty four hours?" she asked pleadingly.

"Less, if you take care of yourself. Here." He handed her a huge water bottle that he'd brought down and pressed a couple of pills into her hand. "This will help with the headache. And drink all the water, but not too fast."

He bent down beside her bunk and placed a couple of protein bars there. "When you feel up to it, you eat these too. It's better to have some food in your stomach."

Leaning up on one elbow she took a long drag of the bottle and swallowed the pills. The water was cool and refreshing as it flowed down her throat and she already felt better. For the first time that day she smiled, looking up at him. "Thanks, Jayne."

"Hey, I gotta lightweight partner I need to take care of. And how about next time I've a hangover you show a little more sympathy, _dong ma_?"

"_Wo dong_," she nodded, steadily drinking the rest of the bottle.

As Jayne climbed up her ladder to leave her to recover she heard him grumble good-naturedly, "Gotta look after everyone on this gorram ship."

Grinning to herself she switched off the light to sleep off the residual effects, the steady tread of his workboots down the hall lulling her into slumber.


End file.
